Last week, I spent 5 days in southern Utah both doing and learning a lot. I have a lot of new data on how my body works (resting metabolic rate, V02, body composition), new skills from workshops (cooking, meditation and posture), and inspiration from new workouts (Drums Alive, MELT, Ultimate Barre, yoga). I also spent a lot of time walking, hiking and staring at my new desert animal friends. But that’s not what this is about.

This was my first solo vacation. I knew it would be a break from responsibilities. What I didn’t anticipate was the pleasure of being away from living my life like someone’s watching: always prepared to be “on”, setting an example by visibly making the right choices and striving to be a good role model. Austin still in some sense feels like a small town with lots of cross connections, but somehow in Utah I was no one’s mother, wife, friend, colleague or boss. Losing the need to define myself in any relative terms was a gift in itself and I spent 4 days trying to get in touch with what I wanted and doing that. On one morning included skipping planned hikes and all manner of intellectual enrichment in favor of drinking coffee in bed and watching Under the Tuscan Sun in all its cliched glory. I cried. No regrets.

Because the Red Mountain Resort is known for being super female solo traveler friendly, it was packed with a diverse group of other women who needed a break from playing their roles in life as well. Some had hard choices in front of them, some were recovering from physically or emotionally devastating occurrences, many were stressed by the daily demands of the “sandwich generation” – running their own families while now also being in charge of the care of their parents. Interestingly, quite a few shared secrets and intimacies me that that can’t or wont tell their friends in the real world. The break from being yourself also means that no one has the context with which to judge you or in any way change their opinion of you. WHAT A GIFT.

I highly recommend the programming at the Red Mountain Resort and have already attempted to incorporate some of what I learned there into my life at home. But, as I dive back into real life today, what I want to maintain is the ability to listen to what it is that I truly want, the courage to share more of what is actually going on in my head and the openness to try to grow – awkwardly – surrounded by people who actually know me.

If the current state of my Facebook is any indication, I am one of the masses of parents experiencing major changes at the end of May. Last week my children graduated from 5th grade (yes, there’s a ceremony) and kindergarten (also a ceremony) and this week I will mark the 20 year mark of my graduation from Princeton (marked with a parade and fireworks which beats any ceremony to death).

Stay Present. My go-to activity in times of change is disappear through my phone, a TV screen, the door of a gym, you name it – anywhere but thinking about whatever is happening that is causing my emotions to brim. My emotional boxes overflow as much as my closet(s) and instead of re-stuffing, I’m committed to actually think, acknowledge and feel the feels this time. My babies are growing up and that is awesome. I don’t want to miss it.

 

Don’t Fall For It. Meanwhile, the cynic in me (you didn’t think someone broke into this site, did you?) is keeping me honest on whether I’m feeling MY feelings or what someone is trying to make me feel with manipulative music or because there is peer pressure as to how one is SUPPOSED to feel. I’m trying to be aware of my legitimate feelings and not get caught up in what normal people “should” be feeling. They rarely match.

 

Practice Gratitude. I have struggled staying consistent on this, but the practice of saying 3 things I am grateful for out loud every day has been a great brain-primer when I remember to do it. This is especially valuable to shift headspace and provide solid grounding on trying days – especially the days of gritting my teeth through kid stuff that is not in my wheelhouse (e.g. “ropes course” – the very mention of which used to strike fear in my heart). As a John Bell disciple, I believe all things can be solved by LifeHacker so here are 40 ideas on Gratitude Practices if you’re curious.

 

Expose My Own Journey. I want my kids to know that I’m not done learning and striving to accomplish more. I’m not ready to pass the baton on “my time” and live only through my kids – I fundamentally believe my most impactful years are ahead of me. Maybe its hereditary. My father was recently telling me about reading a short story out loud at a festival honoring a local writer and I realized he was sharing to expose the fact that at 80 he is still on HIS own journey of becoming. My husband is the grandson of a woman who won an Emmy in her 50s and became a published poet in her 90s. I can delight in supporting my children’s becoming AND not be done yet and I want them to see me reaching even when I fail (at tap dancing, restarting piano, applying for a community leadership program, etc) – I won’t stop and I don’t want them to either. Seeing me fail and prevail is strategic.

 

I recently interviewed Elaine Welteroth, known for leading the evolution of Teen Vogue from beauty and celeb news hub to diverse clubhouse for the Gen Z woman, for the Spredfast Smart Social New York event. My mission was to quickly share her backstory so that I could then ask questions to elicit her advice, experience and stories of particular interest to our social media strategist audience. She was an amazing conversation partner – watching a lot of tape (& Instagram stories!) provided helpful breadcrumbs and she took care of the rest. Truthfully, I could have spoken with Elaine Welteroth for hours, but in this fast-paced world, it was imperative to distill some of the big takeaways from the Teen Vogue relevance revolution and her own social media influence:

Don’t Underestimate Your Audience – It is tempting to simplify your customers into the characteristics that draw them to do business with you alone. But digging into and understanding their full lives and interests when you aren’t around could be the key to deepening your relationship with them. The Teen Vogue revolution really began with understanding that Gen Z’s interests included fashion, celebrity gossip beauty AND politics and the world around them. Removing the either/or proposition gave the Teen Vogue reader more to explore and more reasons to keep coming back. The content was key, but the recognition of the whole person is what drove Teen Vogue to host their first ever summit in 2017 (check out the killer speaker lineup for 2018). Wanting to become a change maker and simultaneously wanting to find the perfect sheet mask is now normalized and empowered.

Own Your Authority – Welteroth stated that brands have authority. Authority needs to be taken seriously – it comes with responsibility to strive for social good and the risk that cultural missteps will spark strong reactions as abuse of authority. Her sound advice here was for brands to be willing to share their platform – and thus authority – with new storytellers. Not only does this show great confidence as a brand, it lends your brand’s authority to the voices that you’d like to represent the future state of the brand. Welteroth actually handed over her Instagram to an attendee at the March for our Lives as she was there as a journalist for ABC. The updates from the first-time marcher would later serve as the perfect complement to her coverage on Nightline.

Insights Aren’t Enough – Every marketer is searching for insights about their “target audience.” If you are lucky enough to actually unearth something meaningful in this search, allow yourself to enjoy the Eureka moment, but recognize that insights get you less than halfway to a meaningful connection with your audience.  THIS is where brands get taken to task over their handling of issues that are admittedly important to modern audiences covering everything from body shape to inclusiveness. The dangers of getting it wrong harken every stock photography cliche known to man including the classic “women laughing alone with salad“. Cliches happen when marketers intellectualize insights they don’t understand and don’t include representative voices at the table. Far from watering down their point of view to appeal to the broadest audience, Teen Vogue dramatically diversified their team including a male beauty director in order to diversify their content and perspectives. In so doing, they increased followership by 600%.

Host the Controversial Conversation – While Teen Vogue may have crossed into the non-Gen Z zeitgeist with the famous Trump Gaslighting piece, that was far from the most controversial topic they tackled. And even when the publication came under fire for cultural appropriation, as they did in a famous cover story about braids, Welteroth leveraged that into a much larger conversation about race, beauty and the fluidity between cultural appropriation and appreciation. Being willing to wade into that and other topics including religion has provided a safe home for the type of conversations not only make the brand relevant, but help drive understanding of topics that may seem foreign or taboo.

Be Bold & Prove It – How do you get a publication at a 107-year-old institution to embrace change? You don’t. Elaine managed to make the first changes at Teen Vogue relatively under the radar and show results that emboldened her and Conde Nast to want to go further. I don’t know if something this stark would have been possible had she been timid and asked for permission – even with the most compelling pitch. Results were the pitch that got Conde Nast into the position of cheering for change.

While the world of publishing may seem a world away to you, the challenge of connecting with an audience you don’t fully represent is one presented to every marketer at some point in their career. Welteroth’s stories convinced me that building deeper audience connections requires, above all, confidence: the confidence to bring representative voices to the table, to share your brand’s natural authority and to go beyond the insights found in the market research room. Do all three, and your brand will see the kind of results that will get you a major following.