Today, I am turning the page on the COVID-era of my career and next week, I embark upon a new adventure with some newly earned skills and perspective. I’m fortunate to have worked with many wonderful people through the years. What you will find below is a compilation of their lessons on leadership and general wisdom on which I have reflected in this time of great change.

“It’s never as good as it seems and it’s never as bad as it seems” From the mind and lips of the unstoppable Rod Favaron, my boss for many of the last 10 years, this goes through my head every time I see folks getting too worked up about something one way or the other – in the world, in politics, in business and in life.

“If you can’t tell who is in charge – it’s YOU.” These words of wisdom from John H. Bell apply to meetings, brainstorms and groups of people who can’t decide where to go for dinner. Don’t wait for permission to pick up the pen and add structure to a situation that could use it.

“Don’t obsess on working on your weaknesses to the point that you forget to steer into your strengths” – Paraphrased from Heather Brunner when she was generous with her time to help me with a project. I’ve used this with many many people. Be aware of your strengths, but cultivate your superpowers and get into a spot where they will make the most differences.

“Rubbin’, Son, is Racing” – Days of Thunder. Distributed, virtual work means that opportunities for passive aggressive behavior and unspoken disagreement abound. They are a cancer in any organization. Now is the time to cultivate healthy conflict and drive it through to conclusion.

“Get the poop on the table” – Dianne Borges. Ok, so Dianne has also said MANY more elegant things, but this is the one that I use day in and day out. Get a problem, conflict, issue, concern onto the table where it can no longer be ignored. It saves time and drives decisions.

“Cultivate a kitchen cabinet” – adapted from Michelle Obama‘s response to a question about how she decides what to share on social media. Sometimes you need to sleep on a thought or take the input of others before making a major decision. I’m blessed with 2 kitchen cabinets: one of other CCOs on LinkedIn to thing through career items and another of accomplished friends in other fields who know me well. They both provide valuable counsel and ballast when I am about to do something out of emotion.

“I’m not dead yet” from Monty Python & the Holy Grail. Yes, I have kids. Yes, I’m over 40. Yes, I’ve done some cool things and NO I’M NOT DONE. Not by a long damn shot.

And one from me “You are the only person in charge of your happiness”. If you are not pursuing the development and maintenance of your own happiness as fiercely as you are the happiness of your spouse, your team or your kids, it’s on you and you alone to dig in and pursue change.

Thank you to my extended tribe for their support & wisdom – especially in these last 3 years. And with that, as Bruce & John Hornsby wrote: “There’s a hard and distant prize, I probably won’t reach it, but I think I’ll try.”

We’ve entered graduation month from Leadership Austin’s Essential Class of 2019 (Best Class Ever). This is a group of 60 artfully assembled professionals from a w-i-d-e variety of fields and professions drawn together by a common interest in learning more about issues facing Austin & how to apply their talents to keep us moving forward. The program starts with the retreat where we took the photo above & lots of hyperbole – you’re in the class you’re meant to be in, you will make lifelong connections, yadda yadda. It seems insane for a group of full grown adults and then…

9 months, many classes, 1 retreat and 59 1x1s later, I can confirm the hype is true. On Monday I had my 59th 1×1 class conversation, completing my rounds of connecting with my classmates individually and I felt a little…sad. I started making myself feel better by saying that I finished the “first round” and could start over.  I also spent a little time thinking about why Leadership Austin is so unique & special:

• At this time in my profession, I spend most of my days needing to have the answers instead of being in an environment where its cool to be a complete amateur – and that’s OK
• I have lived in Austin on and off for 15 years and recognized…TWO of my fellow classmates. Everyone else moves in such different professional, personal & geographic circles (we’re intentionally assembled across the 10 City Council districts and the surrounding counties).
• At 42, I have learned a vast amount about the city I live in that I have never understood before. From Central Health, to the dynamics of Travis & the surrounding counties, to how the Medical Examiner’s office works, it was shocking how little I knew. Building an engaged, educated electorate is a serious calorie burner and most of us are just acting off of advertisements & influencers.
• I walked away from EVERY SINGLE 1×1 with a colleague inspired by something – what they do, how they do it, their personal passions – and have an even deeper appreciation for the the diversity of the city we are building together.

I am grateful to count these folks as my new Austin colleagues and look forward to staying in touch with and inspired by them. If a desire to learn & contribute more to our city resonates, applications for next year’s Essential Class are open until July 30. Additionally, there is also a way for the public to participate in the 2 day Beyond Diversity training that is being given as part of Mayor Adler’s Task Force on Institutional Racism and Systemic Inequities here. Personally, I have found time spent investing in myself and my city time well spent indeed.

Last week, I spent 5 days in southern Utah both doing and learning a lot. I have a lot of new data on how my body works (resting metabolic rate, V02, body composition), new skills from workshops (cooking, meditation and posture), and inspiration from new workouts (Drums Alive, MELT, Ultimate Barre, yoga). I also spent a lot of time walking, hiking and staring at my new desert animal friends. But that’s not what this is about.

This was my first solo vacation. I knew it would be a break from responsibilities. What I didn’t anticipate was the pleasure of being away from living my life like someone’s watching: always prepared to be “on”, setting an example by visibly making the right choices and striving to be a good role model. Austin still in some sense feels like a small town with lots of cross connections, but somehow in Utah I was no one’s mother, wife, friend, colleague or boss. Losing the need to define myself in any relative terms was a gift in itself and I spent 4 days trying to get in touch with what I wanted and doing that. On one morning included skipping planned hikes and all manner of intellectual enrichment in favor of drinking coffee in bed and watching Under the Tuscan Sun in all its cliched glory. I cried. No regrets.

Because the Red Mountain Resort is known for being super female solo traveler friendly, it was packed with a diverse group of other women who needed a break from playing their roles in life as well. Some had hard choices in front of them, some were recovering from physically or emotionally devastating occurrences, many were stressed by the daily demands of the “sandwich generation” – running their own families while now also being in charge of the care of their parents. Interestingly, quite a few shared secrets and intimacies me that that can’t or wont tell their friends in the real world. The break from being yourself also means that no one has the context with which to judge you or in any way change their opinion of you. WHAT A GIFT.

I highly recommend the programming at the Red Mountain Resort and have already attempted to incorporate some of what I learned there into my life at home. But, as I dive back into real life today, what I want to maintain is the ability to listen to what it is that I truly want, the courage to share more of what is actually going on in my head and the openness to try to grow – awkwardly – surrounded by people who actually know me.

If the current state of my Facebook is any indication, I am one of the masses of parents experiencing major changes at the end of May. Last week my children graduated from 5th grade (yes, there’s a ceremony) and kindergarten (also a ceremony) and this week I will mark the 20 year mark of my graduation from Princeton (marked with a parade and fireworks which beats any ceremony to death).

Stay Present. My go-to activity in times of change is disappear through my phone, a TV screen, the door of a gym, you name it – anywhere but thinking about whatever is happening that is causing my emotions to brim. My emotional boxes overflow as much as my closet(s) and instead of re-stuffing, I’m committed to actually think, acknowledge and feel the feels this time. My babies are growing up and that is awesome. I don’t want to miss it.

 

Don’t Fall For It. Meanwhile, the cynic in me (you didn’t think someone broke into this site, did you?) is keeping me honest on whether I’m feeling MY feelings or what someone is trying to make me feel with manipulative music or because there is peer pressure as to how one is SUPPOSED to feel. I’m trying to be aware of my legitimate feelings and not get caught up in what normal people “should” be feeling. They rarely match.

 

Practice Gratitude. I have struggled staying consistent on this, but the practice of saying 3 things I am grateful for out loud every day has been a great brain-primer when I remember to do it. This is especially valuable to shift headspace and provide solid grounding on trying days – especially the days of gritting my teeth through kid stuff that is not in my wheelhouse (e.g. “ropes course” – the very mention of which used to strike fear in my heart). As a John Bell disciple, I believe all things can be solved by LifeHacker so here are 40 ideas on Gratitude Practices if you’re curious.

 

Expose My Own Journey. I want my kids to know that I’m not done learning and striving to accomplish more. I’m not ready to pass the baton on “my time” and live only through my kids – I fundamentally believe my most impactful years are ahead of me. Maybe its hereditary. My father was recently telling me about reading a short story out loud at a festival honoring a local writer and I realized he was sharing to expose the fact that at 80 he is still on HIS own journey of becoming. My husband is the grandson of a woman who won an Emmy in her 50s and became a published poet in her 90s. I can delight in supporting my children’s becoming AND not be done yet and I want them to see me reaching even when I fail (at tap dancing, restarting piano, applying for a community leadership program, etc) – I won’t stop and I don’t want them to either. Seeing me fail and prevail is strategic.